Sexual Innuendoes in Transformers
written October 2007
So I was watching Transformers for the 100th time today, partly because I have no life, but mostly because it's the BEST FUCKING ACTION MOVIE EVER. Hands down. A movie about giant robots battling each other and the American military? I mean come on! And they transform into badass cars no less. The only thing that could have made it better would have been a solid hour of full frontal nudity, or sex, with Megan Fox. iRobot almost had it, except they featured pansy robots who cooked and cleaned, and the only reason they revolted was because they started to develop feelings. Feelings for Christ's sake. If I wanted to watch a drone slave away in the kitchen followed by bitching and moaning, I would get married. Oh, and iRobot didn't have robots with giant guns coming out of their bodies. Way to go morons. Transformers wins.
Anyway, as I was trying not to cream my pants while watching this model film, I realized there are a few sexual innuendos throughout the movie. I can't figure out if it was a clever idea by the writers or if I'm just some sort of pervert. Well, I know I am, but I don't know if that's why I noticed it. Anyway, here's a list of the ones I caught. I'll update it as I watch the movie for the millionth time. If you notice any good ones, send them my way at email@example.com.
Stop lubricating the man.
- Optimus Prime
They need to get their hands off my bush.
- Mrs. Witwicky
I'm cool with females who work on my engine.
Alligators are known to have the most succulent meat.
- Hispanic soldier, reminiscing his past bouts with beastiality
I'm never going to your momma's house, I promise.
- Tyrese Gibson, after he's already been there
We have an inbound unidentified infiltrator.
- Military guy, about to take it up the ass in a tea room trade
This one is uneven... couldn't we hire a professional?
- Mrs. Witwicky, in reference to her husband's balls
Alright let's hit it.
- Army captain, as he's looking at Megan Fox's smoking body
Why doesn't my little bunny just hop in the backseat?
- Trent, trying to convince Megan Fox to push in his stool
It just stood up.
- Sam, talking about his first boner
Wow... ok, time to fill her up, this time no drippy drippy.
- Cop, in response to Sam's phallic allusion
He's got a male dominance thing.
- Sam, referencing his gay lover's M.O.
Keep moving Sam. Don't stop.
- Ironhide, climaxing
- Skinny Bitch Book Review
- Sex and the City Quotes Give Good Women a Bad Rep
- Hilarious Sexist Jokes Annotated
- Red Flags to Look for in Relationships
- Think Before You Talk
- I am as Dumb as I Look
- How to Have Great Sex