Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut
written February 6, 2008
We grew up with a nursery rhyme that goes,
Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub. No wonder half of our generation is gay.
Restaurants are usually slow the couple months after Christmas, and the morning shifts are naturally slow, but lately we've been slower than a woman trying to work out a long division problem. This past Wednesday was one of the slower days, and I was busy not taking the order of a coworker who is due to skip a meal or nine because she was still deciding which page of the menu she was going to order in its entirety. (If you didn't get the hint, she's so fat that she waddles.) One of our hosts, who happens to be gay, came over to join in the fun. Before all of this though I was just standing there bored out of my mind, so I decided that downing two chocolate smoothies in a row would spice things up a bit. I got the sugar rush I was hoping for, and it kicked in just in time to entertain Fruity McFlame and Oompa Loompa. Seriously, this girl is so big she probably has to wipe her ass with a beach towel every time she takes a shit.
When McFlame came over I was already jittery and annoying Oompa, and when he caught my eye I blurted out something I wonder every time I see him:
So which one are you, the pitcher or catcher?
For a split second after I said it, I thought this might have been inappropriate, cause an awkward moment of silence, or be offensive on some strange level. But then I remembered he was gay, and gay guys love talking about that shit. Literally. Oompa on the other hand dropped her chubby little jaw in utter disbelief.
McFlame: I do both.
Me: Really? How do you decide? Is it based on the other guy's preference or what?
McFlame: No, well... you know... sometimes you feel like a nut.
Me and Oompa: ...pause... ...cue laughter.
Clever little play on words, eh? Anyway, the moral of the story is that gay guys aren't only good for unintentional laughs, sometimes they mean to be funny too.
- Frat Boys Epitomize the Word Douche
- Smoking Will Hurt Your Chances of Getting Laid
- You're Unique, Just Like Everyone Else
- Desperate for Attention on Facebook? Don't Be.
- Think Before You Talk
- I am as Dumb as I Look
- You Get What You Give