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Sneaky Things To Do To People You Hate

written August 11, 2008

DISCLAIMER: This list is intended for humorous entertainment purposes only. I do not recommend nor condone anything that may hurt any person or animal, or invade people's privacy. Hug it out, bitches.

  1. Feed laxatives to their pet. (Not too much, because it might be dangerous and kill the animal. Read labels before doing anything.)
  2. Put their address on all those registration forms advertisers always try to get you to fill out. The person will get loads of junk mail.
  3. On the bathroom stalls of convenience stores, restaurants, and rest stops, put the person's phone number with a note like, "call for a good time," or "I suck dick like it's my job."
  4. Put a password on their computer so they can't sign on to Windows.
  5. Take a crap and pee in the top part of their toilet so it continually refills with dirty water. Also known as an "upper-decker."
  6. Poop dollar: wipe your ass with a dollar or smudge it with dog crap, put it somewhere they'll find it, and hide out nearby so you can watch them go, "Ooh, a dollar!" Then they'll pick it up, wonder what that mushy thing was on their hand, and as an automatic reflex, wipe it off on their clothes. Poop clothes.
  7. For junk mail, take the prepaid business reply envelopes they send you, put the rest of your junk mail in it, and send it right back to them.
  8. When telemarketers call, keep them on the line as long as you can, ask as many questions as you can, get them really excited, and then tell them you never had any intention of buying their product or signing up for their service. For added effect, tell them suicide probably is the right answer.
  9. Sneak laxatives into the food of the person you dislike.
  10. Sneak laxatives into the food of their significant other.
  11. Stretch clear plastic wrap across their toilet, just below the seat. When they pee or poop, it will be a big mess.
  12. Stetch clear plastic wrap across a doorway so that when they walk through it they get tangled up in it.
  13. Tie a rubber band around the spray nozzle on their kitchen sink. When they turn on the faucet, they will get sprayed.
  14. Hide their keys where they'll find them, but where they'll never think to look. Like the dryer, the freezer, in a sock, or in the bottom of their underwear drawer.
  15. Lure them to the edge of a cliff and startle them so they fall off. Technically, they committed suicide. Just kidding, don't kill anybody. But seriously, hide their keys in a sock.

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