You Might Be a Slut If...
written December 16, 2008
If you can’t count the number of guys you’ve had sex with in your life, you might be a slut.
If you can’t remember the names of all the guys you’ve had sex with in your life, you might be a slut.
If you’ve slept with a guy without knowing his last name, you might be a slut.
If you’ve slept with a guy without knowing his FIRST name, you are a slut.
If you’ve ever had sex with two guys in less than 24 hours, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever had sex with more than two guys in 48 hours, you might be a slut.
If you like the taste of cum, you might be a slut.
If you sleep with a guy for material gain, you might be a slut.
If you sleep with a guy because he’s smart, and you think studying with him will lead you to the top of the class, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever justified a one night stand by saying, I was so wasted,
you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever justified having a one night stand without saying, I’m such a slut,
you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever justified having a one night stand by saying, I’m such a slut,
knowing is half the battle.
If you’ve consented to videotaping sex, you might be a slut.
If you’ve slept with a guy sleazy enough to video tape you without your consent, you might be a slut.
If your friends have a conversation about who’s the most prude in the group, and all you can do is sit quietly in the corner, you might be a slut.
If you black out from playing a game of never have I ever,
you might a slut.
If you have to think for more than five seconds about your answer in never have I ever,
you might be a slut.
If quotes from Sex and the City are meaningful to you on any level, you are an impressionable, adorably naive little slut indeed.
If you cannot stay in a relationship for more than a month, you might be a slut.
If you ask your gay friends for advice on how to give head or take it in the butt, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever said, Love can always be found, even if just for the night,
you might be a slut.
If you refer to a majority of your relationships as complicated,
you might be a drama loving slut.
If you’ve ever fantasized about getting gangbanged, you might be a horndog.
If you’ve ever been gangbanged, that's just gross.
If you’ve ever flashed your tits at a concert or Mardi Gras, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever been with a group of your girlfriends and said, We’re such whores,
you might be a slut.
If you have any sort of oral fixation, whether it be cigarettes, lollipops, or sucking a dick, you might be a slut.
If you constantly blame relationship failures on the guy, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever cheated on your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever watched a non-sexual movie and felt the urge to masturbate, you might be a slut.
If you cannot go out drinking without wanting sex, you might be a slut.
If you get all dolled up to go out, and then get disgusted when guys look at your cleavage, you're just a typical dumb ass girl.
If you have sex with a guy you don’t really like under the false pretense of a relationship, you might be a slut.
If you have sex with a guy you never liked in the first place, you might be a slut.
If somebody mentions butt-sex and your automatic reaction isn’t disgust or pain, the pooper is for exits only.
If you’re the girl at the club that grinds up on random guys, you might be a slut.
If you’re the girl at the party who always spills her drink, you might be a slut.
If you’re the girl at the bar throws your hands up and goes, WOOO!
, you might be a slut.
If you have sex to validate your self-worth, you might be a slut.
If you think being pretty is more important than being smart, independent, or respectable, you might be a slut.
If you have sex because it makes you feel pretty, you might be a slut.
If you’ve heard any of these and thought, I might be a slut,
you might be a slut.
If you’ve laughed at any of these because you know they apply to you, you might be a slut.
If you think divorced women should be entitled to half without significant contribution, that is a form of prostitution.
If think Snoop Dog is hot, what is wrong with you?
If you’ve ever idolized, took as a role model, or otherwise thought Paris Hilton was cool, you’re an idiot. And you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever said, Once you go black, you never go back,
then you might never go off welfare. Just kidding. But no really, you might be a slut with jungle fever.
If you’ve ever referred to somebody as your baby’s daddy, you might be a slut.
If you use abortion as a form of birth control, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever been pregnant but not sure who the father is, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever had a mysterious rash in your nether regions, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever had a urinary tract infection from too much sex, you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever said, My vagina is burning for sex right now,
you might be a slut.
If you’ve ever had a threesome, you might be a slut.
If you’ve always wanted a threesome but couldn’t find willing partners, you’re probably too ugly.
If you’ve ever contemplated having sex for money, you might be a slut.
If you’ve actually had sex for money, you’re a hooker.
If you go to graduate school and don’t finish your degree, but you end up marrying a guy from there anyway, you might be a gold-digger.
And after you restart breathing, you may want to start playing some online casino games. You should.
<< People You Should Hate - Part 2 | How Not to Argue >>
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