How Not to Make Friends
written August 28, 2008
This is the short piece that almost got me kicked out of law school. In hindsight, that would have been a blessing, as it would have spurred me on to make this site a lot sooner, and it probably would have inspired a lot of good material as well. Anyway, quick back story: there was this crazy cunt at our school who, despite overtly acting like a crazy cunt with pride, was blown away by the fact that nobody liked her and everybody talked about her behind her back. Being the pot-stirrer I am, I wrote this piece WITHOUT USING HER NAME. She read it, and not only did she automatically assume it was about her, but she complained to the dean that I was creating a hostile learning environment.
Too bad the only hostilities
she ever encountered were the countless dicks she let in her ass. Anyway, I went and talked to the dean. The meeting was fine, and it turned out she had complained about another guy at our school for creating a hostile learning environment.
The dean said when one person is the center of a bunch of problems, usually THEY are the problem, not the people getting the blunt of the blame. I volunteered to show him what I wrote, and he ended up liking me a lot by the time I left. So here's what I wrote that caused all that...
Psycho is as Psycho Does
To all the people who proudly say, "I’m not afraid to speak my mind," "I’m not afraid to make a fool of myself," or "I can be a bitch sometimes," the following is not a word of advice so much as it is an axiom you should be cognizant of if you value any sort of social relationships:
If you act like a psycho, people are going to treat you like a psycho. End of story.
Statements like the ones above do not exempt you from the social repercussions that are inherent with acting like a nut-job. Everybody you "speak your mind to," "act like a bitch around," or generally emit the air of a social retard around will think you are a fool and want to avoid you at all costs, despite the disclaimer you so proudly gave. As a matter of fact, because you gave that disclaimer, people will automatically be more wary of your presence, as you’ve substantially lowered their expectations of you to that of "crazy motherfucker." It blows my mind when a person flips shit and then scratches his head, completely oblivious as to why he is disliked among his peers.
Moral of the story: Don’t wear your social ineptitude as a badge of honor; it’s generally frowned upon.
