Guys Can Be Scumbags Too
written August 10, 2008
Now for the obligatory flipside: men can also be scumbags. There are countless examples of well-known men (celebrities, politicians, various other public figures) who have unforgivably cheated on their wives-Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Kobe Bryant, and Tiger Woods, to name a few. And I can’t count on enough hands the number of guys I know personally who have been less than ideal companions to their women, including me. I cheated in a serious relationship. Infidelity is inexcusable, as is lying. I by no means commend it, nor have I ever laid claim to the notion that men are champions of morality. To the contrary, I would lay money that we lie, cheat, and steal quite a deal more than women. But I never have to worry about a man having an affair behind my back, so why the hell would I rant about it? I’m a selfish guy, and being so, I only write about things that affect me. Also, the easiest way to condescend to people is in large groups. The largest group I don’t belong do is women, so they get the blunt end of my stick. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Well no, I guess a disclaimer is necessary for the slow folk. There is a certain literary technique I like to employ called hyperbole. If my shitty undergrad served me right, I believe it means extreme exaggeration beyond the point of sincerity.
When I make such sweeping generalizations as, all women are wanton harlots,
and, all kittens should be thrown into a wood chipper,
I’m obviously exaggerating. (With the women quote, it’s overstating the case; I only know a handful of whores. With the kitten quote, I’m understating the case; all puppies should be thrown in too.) In addition to that, it’s much easier to use one blanket demographic when speaking of a group, as opposed to all the smaller subsets of that group who may more accurately fit whatever description I’m using. Simply put, I obviously don’t think ALL women are scumbags. I don’t even think a majority are. I just draw from my own experiences and observations, excluding all the people who aren’t deplorable, because they're boring. Nobody wants to read about boring people who are good and normal.
Furthermore…
Unless as a journal, the sole purpose of writing is to be read. In order to be read, one needs to engage the reader. To engage the reader, you need exactly two things: content and delivery. Delivery, or style, is up to the writing ability of the author. And though I’m not sure which is more important, I’ll say with a fair amount of certainty that delivery is heavily dependent on content, while content holds more weight in terms of a passage’s overall readability. I suppose with optimal delivery you could engage a few people by writing about magic yaks and dirty toilet paper, but honestly, nobody could make a living writing about such utter nonsense. Content is key. And it has to be one of a few things:
Informative: current events, news, biographical, academic, etc.
Fictional: romance, drama, thriller, mystery, etc.
Controversial: current events, politics, opinion, etc.
Humor: (this blends with delivery) situational, irony, satire, parody, HYPEBOLE, the common joke, etc.
I took up the seemingly innocuous hobby of writing toward the end of 2007. Since I’m not cultured enough, I don’t write informational pieces. Fiction requires a rather high level of imagination, creativity, and narrative ability which I simply don’t have. But controversial subject matter is easy. All you have to do is write something on either side of the politically correct spectrum. As a result, half the people will agree with you, and the other half won’t. How far you wander from the center of that PC spectrum is what decides the level of emotional pull you have with the audience. The greater the pull, the more readers you get. It doesn’t really matter which side you choose, because there are always going to people who agree, and there are always going to be people who disagree. Either way, everybody wants to read it because the content is compelling. So, what’s even better than controversy? Blending it with humor. At least that’s what I try to do.
Though apparently not everybody recognizes obvious exaggeration when they see it. Oh well. If you don't like it, don't read it. Or, as I also like to say: If you've got a problem, then it's your fucking problem, not mine.
p.s. This was written as a follow up to The Four Animals Women Need. Apparently the vast majority of readers feel my overly broad generalizations apply to them specifically. The fact that they think that speaks volumes about them.]
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